Monday, July 18, 2011

Fakin' it til I make it

I know it's been a while since I've posted on here and I do intend to properly catch you all up on what all has been going on with me. Summer has been a crazy time(not that the school year isn't too). I could really use a few more hours in they day (who couldn't!). My research assignment for the summer has been keeping me plenty busy and this whole working 9-5 really eats up a lot of the day! I've also been doing a lot of introspection as I am presently living without a roommate in a Residence Hall. In my research program there are only guys. Emotionally the lack of female interaction in my day has been kind of a tough adjustment. I can accept that I exist in a male dominated field. Spending 40+ hours a week with 9 guys is an interesting experience.

Perhaps the hardest part of this is that only one of the guys in my research lab knows most(all, I can't remember) of the laundry list of things that are part of my 'normal'. I didn't realise it until I had it pulled out from under me just how much having people who kind of sort of 'get it'. My friends from school are practically family and thus more or less get it all as well as you are going to without living through Latex Allergy or Asthma or just plain allergies.

The other half of what I've really been missing here at Big State University is my church 'family' while 99% of my church family doesn't know that I have a chronic illnesses, they still provide a lot of spiritual support and general encouragement. They can sense when I'm a little lower even if they don't know it's because an asthma or allergy flare has really taken it out of me. Having that spiritual community and the quiet space and prayer/meditation time each week really helps. I'm at a point of questioning what exactly I believe and how that fits into a Church structure. Right now all I can say for sure is I find peace in church services.

Work has also been my escape to pretend like it's all good. I have sedentary work which allows me to sit and catch my breath even when I'm short of breath. I've probably pretended like my asthma wasn't bothering me way more this summer than normal because I sit infront of a computer screen all day. Which is way easier on the lungs than lots of moving about. I've also been reading a lot and watching a lot of movies which are also low lung impact activities.  It helps that I'm a bit of a nerd, so computer and indoors things are just fine with me. I do enjoy spending some time with and in nature but that is a treat I save for days when I'm breathing well and the air quality is nice.

The lungs are acting up as of yesterday so you all should be hearing from me a bit more as I try to pass my time where I really just want to be a sloth or napping. In the mean time I'm gonna keep on faking like it's all good until I make it that way(while treating my flare out of sight).


Anonymous said...

Aww. Sucks that you're not breathing well. Introspection is good tho. How long will this lab be going on?

Kat said...

I'm on week 9 of 10 for doing research.

kerri said...

I'm not the best at church either, tbh. Love the community, could give-or-take the whole organization part of it.

Take a listen to The Distance by Live. Kinda how I feel. Great tune [let me know if you can't find it and I'll e-mail it to you].

Hang in there!

Pink Doberman said...

Great post welcome to the carnival!
Gentle Hugs!

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