Friday, March 16, 2012

Rage at the Machine


A combination of this have kept me away from here. I'm fixing to graduate college and so I'm looking for an adult job. I've also been pretty busy with all my class schedule stuff too. I don't know what it has been but I've also somewhat lacked motivation/flow throughout to write something and put forth the effort to blog.

I've been having some problems between keyboard and chair with my laptop. I guess some of it could perhaps be attributed to a feature which in my personal opinion could be seen as a bit of a design flaw. I'm sure that the designers were well intentioned with taking away the button of the mouse on the newer Macbooks. In theory it sounds awesome to have a computer where there is no need to hit a specific mouse button to make it click rather the whole trackpad is a button if you will. I don't know why I can't wrap my head around the motor skills needed to take care of getting things clicked on and staying clicked, to for example drag and drop.

You don't realize just how much you drag and drop things to make daily computer activity happen until you can't. There are ways around this of course. I've taken to copying things by command line rather than dragging and dropping them from one folder to the next. Sure it takes a few more taps 0f the keyboard but results in infinitely less frustration and is much quicker for me to do. I have found that trying to turn on the sticky keys type feature for the drag and drop of the trackpad is in fact more problematic rather than less. I end up inadvertently dragging things around when I mean to click on something instead. I realise the longterm solution is to learn the motor skills needed to drag and drop things on this style of trackpad where I cannot have my thumb on the button while I use my index or middle finger to drag something around the screen.

I have experienced no end to the frustration of knowing exactly what I need to do to take care of this and yet not having the ability to master the skill needed to make it happen. I feel like i'm back in first grade trying to learn how to write all over again. I have no problems using a mouse either of the traditional variety or of the trackball variety(my preference actually). I am throughoutly embarrassed as a person who repairs PC's all day long that I cannot work on my own computer. I am reduced to controlling my computer via hot keys, command line, and plugging in a usb mouse which is not very conducive to being on the go with a laptop.
If I ever want to own another mac with the direction they are taking the computers I will need to learn how to deal with multitouch trackpads in order to be functional other wise I'll probably be headed back to Linux.

This probably sounds all sounds a little nuts to someone not stuck inside a body that refuses to respond to fine motor skill learning in a normal fashion. I know the steps and can't make them happen. This is frustrating and will reduce me to tears on occasion. Welcome to my life. I appologize that this has been a bit of a whiney/rant post. I realize that in the grand scheme of accessibility computer challenges this is relatively minor and I do count my blessings. I do have other things to blog about soon-ish as well that should be less rage-ish.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

New Year time to get off my ***

So 2011 was more or less uneventful-ish. I walk/ran/swam/erg'd 1100km that I remembered to log on daily mile. Did a few races including my first triathlon(super short sprint). My asthma and allergies were pretty much stable. Same meds, same jabs at various frequencies with allergens. No prednisone, ER visits, or epipens used! New diagnosis: PCOS. Same admonishments to loose weight and get in shape.

I admit to being inconsistent at doing goals and stuff and sticking to them. But here's some hopes/dreams/goals whatever you want to call them for 2012:

  1. Get the heck off symbicort or at least on less symbicort(Dr. B said if the winter goes well he'd consider changing my asthma meds but didn't elaborate)I'd like my voice back to normal
  2. Finish a Marathon.(I'm hoping for the St. Louis Rock & Roll marathon in October)
  3. Reach the top of the Rock Climbing Wall(I just learned to belay about a month and a half ago)
  4. Weigh less than 80kg/175lbs (would put me out of the "obese" bmi range)
  5. Faster time at the same Sprint Triathlon.
  6. Finish rowing/erging my million meters.
  7. Finish Half Marathon (Looking at the Go Girl! Run in Mid Missouri in May) Corollary to #2.
  8. Do the fitness ladder workout daily.
  9. Get a "real" adult job.
  10. Significantly reduce the amount of soda/sugared soft drinks I consume.

I'm going to endeavor to accomplish these things I hope my list isn't too long however, I feel like it helps that most of the goals overlap. Here's to a fitter 2012.

Monday, December 5, 2011

What me a writer?!?!

I was chatting with Kerri tonight on facebook and mentioned that I'm not really sure if I should keep up with writing here. I will be the first to admit I'm not really much of a writer. I mean I can write a research paper like nobody's business. I have an analytical scientific mind, always have probably always will. This whole blogging thing... not so much my strong suit. As you can see senior year (take 2, yep I'm a 5th year) has been keeping me pretty busy and away from the computer.

However, there are weekends like this past weekend where I feel like I'm barely human. I do homework between naps and spend a lot of my time in bed with my laptop or propped up with pillows on the floor with books or my laptop around me trying to get studying done. By the time 8 or 9pm rolls around I'm so worn out that there just isn't anyway I'm going to get to have fun Friday night plans. I might stay up to watch something on Netflix but otherwise nothing wild is happening here. Just gonna take my evening meds, a dose of ventolin to keep my lungs open while I sleep and curl up in bed. The part of this that makes it so hard is that I *only* have a cold. It's isolating to have friends who don't get it. Yes, I'm not well, but no I'm not going to completely put my life on hold. Sometimes I just need to scream at the world.

I also don't need the sympathy good job from my friends when I finish yet another 5k in 40 some odd minutes. Guess what you all are healthy 20 year olds whose brains process motor skills instructions in a "normal" fashion. At the end of the race not only are my lungs yelling at me, my brain is too. It is just as fatigued as my muscles from the coordination efforts required. I realize that until you've walked a mile in my shoes(or intermittently fast forward motioned it) and I in yours neither of us will 'get it'. Life isn't perfect, I realize I've got it pretty good my future is bright but sometimes I just need to say how I feel without fear of judgement or sympathy or belittling of my achievement or current health situation.

One thing that has definitely always been a barrier to me really developing my writing that I didn't even really think about until recently is that handwriting is something I've struggled with. Keeping a journal is just never been my thing. I can't seem to keep and even keel to my writing in terms of spacing, pressure to the pen, and just general flow. Don't ask me why I excel at typing as a motor skill and suck so much at printing out my words. Perhaps some of the blame falls to the evolution of society as a whole. We have moved away from the handwritten word and towards electronic composition. Typing is a skill I need to survive. My slow sloppy inconsistent handwriting gets me by for the things that I need it to, like writing checks and short notes to people.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Turkey Trot 2011: A Race Report

Hey Y'all.
Clearly the whole National Blog Month thing didn't go very well for me. I did however do a 5k on November 20th. It was right above freezing. My lungs weren't very happy campers (read at least 6 puffs of ventolin was involved in this adventure). I didn't have a very good finish time: 45:37, official times TBA. I did jog quite a bit. I also felt like I was breathing shards-o-glass. I'm pretty sure I finished last. I was too busy balling my hands up in side my jacket to take pictures. The temperature didn't get me so much as the wind. It was an okay time. I think the fitness goals for the winter are going to shift more towards swimming or rowing or something indoorsy.
Nike Plus graph with a large number of peaks and valley's of the 5k run. Started at 10:01am, distance 5.31km Time 47:15As you can see quite a spikey intermittent forward motion fitness event. I know the distance and time are a bit off. I started it a little early and ended it a little late(the water cooler was mighty tempting). I did get to try out a new bra "shock absorber" quite nice, really keeps the girls from bouncing pretty well. The course was around St. Louis University's campus, which is decently pretty. The markings would've been better had the weather not been kind of a foggy/misty/dampness outside since they used sidewalk chalk. All on sidewalk which was nice. Quite a few decent hills which is where most of the slow downs in speed comes from. The track club which puts the event together was out at every turn to point you in the right direction. Maybe about 50-75 people did the event, which was a benefit for the canned food drive/campus food pantry in the holiday season. It was good to get back in the saddle even if it wasn't a PR by a long shot.

At present fitness is kind of on hold. I'm working on a nice cold thing that has gone down to my lungs. It was up in my head most of this week and then moved down into my chest over the last 24 hours or so. Which is fun or something. So far just a nasty cough and short of breath. Not much peakflow drop which is good I guess. Homework has got me pretty well buried. Finals are not this week but the next. I'll try to be more bloggy, as finals permit.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

NaBloPoMo #3

So today I took the jump and am signed up for the local Turkey Trot back home it's a 5k at Local Catholic University benefiting a food bank. Yes, I walked a 9k 2 weekends ago. No, I'm not feeling ready for this 5k. Hopefully, I can do something not embarassing at it. It could be anything from sunny and in the 50's(F) to snowing and single digits(f) I have some decent cold weather tops and I have ordered some legit cold weather pants from Title 9, which should be here along with some new bras (yay!) in the next few days. Since me and athletic in the winter don't exactly go together and I should really stop wearing the aweful cotton stretch pants I've worn the last few times I went out in the frigid. I need to for reals formulate a training plan and get my butt in gear, in hopes of not finishing last. Which would probably mean a p/r cause the looking at some old results the last finishers were at like 30 minutes... Maybe I should see if it's not too late to walk the 3k instead?

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

NaBloPoMo take 2

So today has been a pretty lazy day, except not that lazy. I've gotten a decent amount of school stuff done, but I didn't get dressed for the day until like 2pm. I'm on the rag and for whatever reason, that makes me just want to jump out of my skin, along with attempt a diy hysterectomy. I have cramps now that I'm on the pill and have "real"-fake periods. It's an annoying occasional pulse of pain with a little bit of dull achyness in terms of cramps. However, part of the reason why I didn't put on real clothes until so late in the afternoon is because I just don't want to be touched by people or things when I'm on the rag. For whatever reason, in addition to my lungs being hypersensitive, my whole self is just hypersensitive to touch too. To add to the lung happy fun crazy times, we're also allegedly getting some snow tonight, although it's just been raining hardcore at this point. Regardless it's not supposed to be hardcore real snow, just some flurries, probably won't even stick much.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

NaBloPoMo take 1

I think I got that acronym right. It's november, I'm on the rag, the lungs are cranky(oh hai 400 (66%), I didn't miss you!). I'm going to attempt this whole national blog posting month. I wouldn't be suprised if I fail at it. After all lately school has kind of eaten my life. I owe you a race report (or is it two), and a bunch of other catching up on life.I'm also woefully behind on updating my daily mile, and overall keeping up with much health related other than the taking of meds. Hopefully an attempt at a post a day will help me get back in the blogging swing of things, don't hold your breath though.