I was chatting with Kerri tonight on facebook and mentioned that I'm not really sure if I should keep up with writing here. I will be the first to admit I'm not really much of a writer. I mean I can write a research paper like nobody's business. I have an analytical scientific mind, always have probably always will. This whole blogging thing... not so much my strong suit. As you can see senior year (take 2, yep I'm a 5th year) has been keeping me pretty busy and away from the computer.
However, there are weekends like this past weekend where I feel like I'm barely human. I do homework between naps and spend a lot of my time in bed with my laptop or propped up with pillows on the floor with books or my laptop around me trying to get studying done. By the time 8 or 9pm rolls around I'm so worn out that there just isn't anyway I'm going to get to have fun Friday night plans. I might stay up to watch something on Netflix but otherwise nothing wild is happening here. Just gonna take my evening meds, a dose of ventolin to keep my lungs open while I sleep and curl up in bed. The part of this that makes it so hard is that I *only* have a cold. It's isolating to have friends who don't get it. Yes, I'm not well, but no I'm not going to completely put my life on hold. Sometimes I just need to scream at the world.
I also don't need the sympathy good job from my friends when I finish yet another 5k in 40 some odd minutes. Guess what you all are healthy 20 year olds whose brains process motor skills instructions in a "normal" fashion. At the end of the race not only are my lungs yelling at me, my brain is too. It is just as fatigued as my muscles from the coordination efforts required. I realize that until you've walked a mile in my shoes(or intermittently fast forward motioned it) and I in yours neither of us will 'get it'. Life isn't perfect, I realize I've got it pretty good my future is bright but sometimes I just need to say how I feel without fear of judgement or sympathy or belittling of my achievement or current health situation.
One thing that has definitely always been a barrier to me really developing my writing that I didn't even really think about until recently is that handwriting is something I've struggled with. Keeping a journal is just never been my thing. I can't seem to keep and even keel to my writing in terms of spacing, pressure to the pen, and just general flow. Don't ask me why I excel at typing as a motor skill and suck so much at printing out my words. Perhaps some of the blame falls to the evolution of society as a whole. We have moved away from the handwritten word and towards electronic composition. Typing is a skill I need to survive. My slow sloppy inconsistent handwriting gets me by for the things that I need it to, like writing checks and short notes to people.