So this morning I was exchanging internet banter with DZ as happens on quite a few occasions. Our im conversation ended up on the topic of gender identity/expression. He really hit the nail on the head about my gender at least at this point in time. My internal identity is a butch female, but my expression of gender is more of ambiguous /androgynous. My expression leans towards the masculine and I have no problems with being sir'd. Having such a succinct way of explaining the "me" and color within the lines as best a non binary gender can. I'll try to continue to flush these thoughts out after finals week when I have time to brain outside of academics. I haven't actually registered for the 5k on my birthday. I should really do that once I take care of the other 300 million things happening these next 7 days.

So today I wasn't planning anything more strenuous than some hard core Calculus. Thus I wore a rather lacy plunge bra. It's my bra that is as sexy as you can get with a 34H. While I this bra makes me feel kinda good about myself that I have a cute bra and that my boobs look okay it also reminds me about how much of a pain having breasts can be. Contrasted with yesterday when they were smoshed into my tight jog bra they just move about so much and get in the way. Even when they are tied down to my chest under pressure control from a sports bra they get in the way. I often ponder how much easier it would be to not have them there. I don't think I am really a male inside. I'd say I'm more of an in between. I don't really like having breasts but I'm not in any hurry to chop them off. If for some reason it were to become necessary such as breast cancer, I wouldn't necessarily want them reconstructed. However, I'd say at this point live and let live. I enjoy my cargos and polos and such. At the same time, I like the ideal of lacy bras although in actual practice they just don't look right or hold me up at all. I guess what I'm getting at is that I won't be binding it all down in the forseeable future but don't expect me to put on heels or shave my legs/underarms anytime soon either.The binding is definitely a no go for as long as it's this freaking pollen filled outside. Oh Spring Allergy Season!