. I was just so worn out from work and class and everything. The last 36hrs or so I've been brewing a nice flare after having my period last week on top of some ?fall allergy? conguestion. The conguestion has apparently migrated down into the lungs and is not playing nice. It feels like I'm running a 5k.

I was in 7th grade this day in 2001. An akward tortoise shell glasses wearing young girl, 12.5 years old, math nerd, and just about to get braces put on my teeth to correct an overbite. While that day I grew into a young woman it only partially had to do with the terrorism attack that occured that day. I was already a New York Times reading, NPR listening, investment making kind of kid. I've been going on 40 for quite some time now :P.

We'll it's been quite some time that i've been rambling along on here. I have just moved back to school for a final year of intellectual stimulation and degree completion and such. I've used way too many spoons in the last few days. I'm probably going to end up sleeping it off at some point this weekend. The lungs have been decent all and all, I've been SOB a bit. However, I'm pretty sure on the list of stuff your not supposed to do with allergic asthma includes heavy lifting moving oneself into a ResHall out of the Parent's Basement, on a yellow air quality day, that you got allergy shots on...oops. So shoot me. I apologize for the lack of creative title. This post is post 101 on this blog: pretty self explanatory.

On a tangentially related note I'm considering leaving blogger for something that doesn't make me want to tear out my hair when I try to deal with pictures. Which could have something to do with my utterlack of motorskills concerning a multi-touch trackpad. Yes, I've had a computer with one for 1.5 years and still can't do much other than pointing and clicking and two finger scroll with it. I haven't even mastered drag and drop without the physical mouse button hence my lack of OS X upgrade at present....motor skill fail. This has been kinda hard for me. I don't generally do new stuff much anymore so this whole learning motor behaviors has been kinda bringing me to tears of frustration.

A random thought: Went to the pharmacy today to pick up a symbicort refill which involved transferring it from LocalGroceryChain Store near Summer research to another store of the same chain in my college town. When the lady pulled it up in the computer the "refills were void". I know i still had refills left, I hand carried a freshly written paper copy of the script to the Pharmacy near Research this summer I had 4 refills left. Frantic call to Dr. B's office later, with the explanation that the pharmacy screwed up somehow and needed a new one called/faxed/escribed into oh-yeah my not-home-pharmacy-that-you-don't-have-on-file. Thankfully Dr. B was in and sent it in in relatively short order and I had all the relevant numbers/address/name of the pharmacy handy. Cause these things lower one's stress level on the first day of classes.

I've also been putting off a follow up with Dr. Z I'm like wwwaaayyy overdue for an annual check up cause I don't want to face the scale. I haven't really put on weight but it also hasn't disappeared. I did put in an electronic request for an appt this evening. So I should know by monday at the latest if I can sneak that in over fall break or not. I will probably have come to the end of my vials and need to make an appointment with Dr. B too over fall break.

I've been somewhat away from the internet for the last few weeks. I'm in the middle of a whirlwind of moving back to my parent's house for about 3 weeks and then it's back to my college town. My EpiPens just expired(unused!) so I got some new shiney ones that don't have a year's worth of scuffs on them and pocket lint worked into the protective tube.

Something I did when I modified settings on my google account seems to have broke the pictures on this blog. I shall endeavor to figure out how I broke my pictures and fix it. I apologize for the lack of graphics at the moment.

I know it's been a while since I've posted on here and I do intend to properly catch you all up on what all has been going on with me. Summer has been a crazy time(not that the school year isn't too). I could really use a few more hours in they day (who couldn't!). My research assignment for the summer has been keeping me plenty busy and this whole working 9-5 really eats up a lot of the day! I've also been doing a lot of introspection as I am presently living without a roommate in a Residence Hall. In my research program there are only guys. Emotionally the lack of female interaction in my day has been kind of a tough adjustment. I can accept that I exist in a male dominated field. Spending 40+ hours a week with 9 guys is an interesting experience.

Perhaps the hardest part of this is that only one of the guys in my research lab knows most(all, I can't remember) of the laundry list of things that are part of my 'normal'. I didn't realise it until I had it pulled out from under me just how much having people who kind of sort of 'get it'. My friends from school are practically family and thus more or less get it all as well as you are going to without living through Latex Allergy or Asthma or just plain allergies.

The other half of what I've really been missing here at Big State University is my church 'family' while 99% of my church family doesn't know that I have a chronic illnesses, they still provide a lot of spiritual support and general encouragement. They can sense when I'm a little lower even if they don't know it's because an asthma or allergy flare has really taken it out of me. Having that spiritual community and the quiet space and prayer/meditation time each week really helps. I'm at a point of questioning what exactly I believe and how that fits into a Church structure. Right now all I can say for sure is I find peace in church services.

Work has also been my escape to pretend like it's all good. I have sedentary work which allows me to sit and catch my breath even when I'm short of breath. I've probably pretended like my asthma wasn't bothering me way more this summer than normal because I sit infront of a computer screen all day. Which is way easier on the lungs than lots of moving about. I've also been reading a lot and watching a lot of movies which are also low lung impact activities.  It helps that I'm a bit of a nerd, so computer and indoors things are just fine with me. I do enjoy spending some time with and in nature but that is a treat I save for days when I'm breathing well and the air quality is nice.

The lungs are acting up as of yesterday so you all should be hearing from me a bit more as I try to pass my time where I really just want to be a sloth or napping. In the mean time I'm gonna keep on faking like it's all good until I make it that way(while treating my flare out of sight).